Day {Five}

{Day 5 Something you don’t leave the house without}


Short post: my phone.
(Don’t worry though, I’ll make up for it in the end…)


I don’t leave my house to go on a walk without my phone. It’s a must have. I never know when I am going to get lost!

(Literally, I really never know when I am going to be walking down a street and think, hmm – am I really lost in this town of less than 1,000 people? I have no clue where I am!)


Now onto the post about what has actually been going on in our lives, Sean & I have been attending a great many appointments at the dentist office recently. He just hasn’t gone in 10+ years so he has a large amount of (painful) dental work to catch up on. Mine isn’t so bad, just some things I opted not to have done the last time I went to the dentist (about 2 years ago). Hopefully this time next year our teeth will be perfectly healthy and we can resume an every six month schedule. That’s much less expensive than going a couple of times a month to catch up on years of neglect. And right before Christmas…

Christmas this year is going to be sparse and this is making it difficult for me to get into the spirit. Sean has only asked me about a half dozen times to make a list so he’ll know what to get me. My holiday would really be less stressful if he wouldn’t get me anything because I know we can’t really afford it. And that stress really takes away from the focus of the season. But I’m really bummed that we can’t do much for everyone else. I am having a baking blowout the Friday before Christmas with the kids and have been stocking up since Halloween for it. That’s going to be the extent of our Christmas giving to friends and family. And that day with the kiddos may be our Christmas present to them.

Besides getting down for being unable to do much for our family for the holidays, I took a second job to help supplement what we’re missing from Sean’s paycheck. I am trying to make a conscience effort everyday not to complain about it because that stresses him out which he doesn’t really need with everything else he has on his plate. He DAILY shows his gratitude for my hard work when I am at least getting paid for the time I put in. Meanwhile, we are paying for him to put so much extra time at the hospital. I just really, really hate it. I am so very fortunate to have an opportunity and a decent reputation to be able to take a second job when so many people don’t have jobs period. But I am exhausted just about every waking hour and the only thing I can muster to think these days is that I really can’t wait until it’s time for bed. I wake up tired and by the time I get to my “grown-up” job, I have already lost my drive for the day. Particularly on days I have to go to my “after school” job, I spend the entire day trying to figure out where to start, all the while worrying about how badly I just don’t want to go to work after I get off work. Not to mention, the days that I don’t have to work are spent frantically cleaning and picking up things that have just unraveled at home while I was gone working. And there is so much at home that I just don’t even want to go home to anymore. I’d rather close the door to my bedroom and hide away.

Friday I peeled off another month on my countdown. 21 months! We are a great team! We can do it! And in 21 months we will be stronger for it.

Day {Four}

{Day 4 Your favorite photograph of your best friend.}

My very best friend & I have been very best friends since second grade. My family had just moved to Clever and we were in the same class and went to the same church. Years later, our dads are best friends and our moms are shopping buddies so it has helped to maintain our relationships as we are finding our separate ways.

My favorite picture is under my glass desk plate at home. I keep all of my most treasured pictures there so I can see them as I am walking out the door and first thing when I come home. Katie’s parents were letting her get professional senior pictures taken and she invited me along for a picture. I remember the photographer at the time saying it was ok for me to jump into a picture but that he didn’t like to take more than one because in 20 years we may not even be talking to each other. (It’s only been 8 but we’re still doing okay).

Anyway, we wore the shirts we had bought just for that picture, blue jeans, and bare feet. The picture matched our down-to-earth personalities and we both looked like the happiest girls in the world: we were best friends, we were graduating, and we had a big future in front of us.

Much has changed since that picture was taken. Katie graduated and I am a college drop out. We both got married to someone named Sean/Shawn. We have both bought our first houses - I stayed very near my family after vowing to move away and she moved away after vowing to live in Clever. Now she is searching for a new house and we are constantly remodeling ours. She is excited about trying to have a baby and I am anxiously trying to get my husband through school. Eight years ago we were the same people. You couldn’t tell where one of us ended and the other began. Today we are nearly as different as night and day, but that doesn’t mean we don’t still talk on the phone for 2 hours each week. Or that we don’t still pray over our meal no matter how busy the restaurant we meet up at. She’s still my bestie.



She's my right hand lady...



... And I am hers :)

Day {Three}

{Day 3 Your first date}

I have had a few first dates and only one thing resounded through each one of them: awkward conversation. I hate talking to people I don’t know because I never know what to say. The conversation usually goes one of two ways.

1. Jill is too nervous to say anything so Jack dominates the conversation.
2. Jill is too nervous to say anything and Jack finds himself equally nervous so nervous conversation about the direction of windshield wipers ensues. (Note: I have not personally experienced this exact conversation. This scenario is thanks to my dad and his first date at the drive-in.)


I’ve had a first date with the guy’s parents. I’ve had a first date at Build-a-Bear (I was 21+. It wasn’t cute). I’ve had first dates that were so unimpressive I can’t even remember what we did. They were all awkward.

My first “outing” with Sean wasn’t really a date. We weren’t “dating.” I had just broken up with a boyfriend and he had experienced a recent break-up as well. We were just two people from work (although I had a huge crush on him). Sean had invited me to a party at a friend’s house. It was as about unromantic as you can imagine but we were both equally shy when it came to meeting new people so it was nice to have a lot of people to help open a conversation. I think the night ended watching Pulp Fiction which we both agreed was just a sucky movie.

First time doing anything outside of work together. The girl sitting next to me wasn't much of a conversationalist.

Truthfully, I can’t even remember the first time we went out and had a real date. Which is probably why I can’t remember too many awkward moments. :-)


What was your first date???

Day {Two}

{Day 2 Your favorite movie}

Yesterday, I had a great number of songs from which to choose. Today, there is only one answer: When Harry Met Sally.

I can watch it a million times and still laugh. I had seen my parents watching it whenever it popped up on basic cable but had never really seen it because at that age, let's face it, if you're parents are watching a movie, it probably isn't cool. I didn't actually watch it until I was well into college. The thing is, Billy Crystal is not that attractive and Meg Ryan's hair certainly dates the movie, but the story is still current no matter how old the movie is. I love watching two people fall in love and that's all. No deep meaning. No underlying message. Just two people. Friends. Falling in love. It's just a great story.

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.  

Day {One}

A girlfriend at work talked about this 30 day blog challenge she is doing on her blog to help her get into a better habit of writing & chronicling. So she gave me the list she is following and I am one day behind but I'm going to follow along.

Until I quit, of course.

But I started this blog 11 months ago and have a poor showing for it, so what better time to pick it up again than right before it is time to set a new New Year's Resolution!

Anywho, today is {Day 1: Your favorite song}.

To be fair, I have many favorite songs and artists. I love Adele. I love Alison Krauss. I love Michael Buble. So I will just have to focus on one solitary song that evokes such emotion it takes me back to the place where I first heard the song.

I had gotten a second hand copy of Third Day's Time cassette tape from a friend around the time I was 16. I loved it the first time I popped it into the tape player of my Ford Tempo and to this day I love Third Day still. There isn't a better song to start an album than I've Always Loved You.

Don't you know I've always loved you

Even before there was time.

Though you turn away

I tell you still

Don't you know I've always loved you

And I always will.

It wasn't just a religious song at that point. It was the song of my mom, of my dad, my family. I was so lucky to grow up with a family that, though cynical at times, knew what it meant to love. I never knew a time that I wasn't loved and I wanted to believe that very same thing about my future. That there was someone out there who would love all of my flaws the way my family already did. And the way Father certainly did because that was how he made me.

My very good friend had her baby yesterday afternoon. She was the most precious, tiny thing I could ever remember holding. I held her for an hour and it seemed like only minutes. Every facial expression and yawn and squeeze of my finger was just magical. I could have held her forever. In that moment the song flashed through my head again.

Sean & I have been married for a year and a half yesterday. We've been asked multiple times when we'll get to experience the same excitement. We had already decided that it would definitely not be for another 21 months at least, while he is in school. On top of that, I would like to have our house to ourselves for a few months before we start filling it up again! Whenever it does finally happen, though, there will be another baby that doesn't know what it feels like to have never been loved, because we already do. And we will be even more blessed than we already are.

A Tale of Two Families

Aside from the few nights I had obligations at school, I could probably count on one hand the number of times my family didn't eat together at the dining room table growing up. Nope, go ahead and include those nights I had obligations at school; somehow, we always found a way to come together over a hot meal (or cold, depending on how late Dad decided to work in the barn). Furthermore, all of my friends' families ate around a central table and discussed the events of their day. I never even considered that there were other families out there that didn't eat together.

Sean and I have been discussing our next project. He really wants to get new carpet and lay down new linoleum. I am totally on board with this idea because the current flooring is g.r.o.s.s. It's beyond disgusting. With all of the improvements we've made in our home, it's hard to be proud and show off what we've done when I shudder at the thought of people walking in and seeing/smelling our carpet. However, I don't want to make a change if there is a chance that we are going to ruin it with another improvement down the line. To me, that is a total waste of money.

Our home has two sides: the original house and then an add-on which includes the master bedroom and bathroom, utility room, and smaller living room. The original house consists of three bedrooms, a bathroom, a larger living room and the kitchen. The floor plan makes sense until you consider the add-on. The add-on feels like an afterthought with only one little doorway connecting the two sides. And no dining room. I would like to open up the doorway that connects the two sides in order to help the flow of the house and allow for a little more space to put a dining room table.

This is the dilemma: my husband doesn't understand the importance of a place for this piece of furniture. He actually told me he thought I was making too big of a deal about it, that he doesn't know anyone that eats around a table.

!!!!

I responded that I found that ironic because I don't know anyone that doesn't eat around a table! Then it dawned on me: we are so caught up in how our families operated that we never took into consideration how the other family did things. I'm sure I made the situation better when I promptly told him that our family would not be eating on tv trays. Psh.

Fast forward a few days to think about what the other had said. My sister-in-law made a wonderful dinner of steak, fried potatoes, green bean casserole and a salad. Sean was off work for the night and was napping/catching up on TV. The kiddos and I practiced their spelling words while dinner was being put together. As soon as the steaks were brought in off the grill, Lex promptly walked back to her bedroom and grabbed the extra chair while J set the table for 5. It is not unusual for our family to eat around the table, we've just never made a big deal about it. We all sat around the table, discussing how stressful it had been at work lately, tests that were coming up at school, and excitement surrounding upcoming volleyball and basketball games. Our table is very small; it's a round, four person table. You can be certain that elbows were knocking. Should you be invited to dinner at my house, please don't feel offended if your personal space feels a little violated (but also, please, ignore the carpet and linoleum)!

It's cozy, though. And you can be certain that I know what my nephew's favorite (and least favorite) subjects are and that he only puts "Ja" at that top of his papers because people call him "J" and that's how he thinks it should be spelled. I know how excited my niece is to be 3-0 at volleyball but how that also makes her feel a lot of pressure. I know how Sean is doing in school and that the vertebral section is his toughest yet. I know all the reasons that my sister in law doesn't enjoy her job but that she is good at it and that brings her enough satisfaction to stay. I have insight into what my family members are going through and that is important to strengthen our bond.

Apparently my husband realized this as well. I made sure to tell him while we were cleaning up that these moments are usually my favorite part of the day. I haven't convinced him to put a giant hole in our wall, yet, but he finally agreed to go shopping for a nice dining room table once he's out of school.

Sub-Par Quality

Fear not, I have not forgotten about my blog. I just haven't had anything to share. Sure, I could have found PLENTY of juicy info to share, but it probably would have ended up as cryptic as a 15 year old girl's facebook. My excuse is simple: life right now is {so chaotic} that I don't know which way is up.

Really, though, I feel like that is my problem: I have forgotten which way is up, because I have obviously not been taking too many concerns in that direction. I have been in search for a church since October 2009. Like probably 99.9999999% of folks (excluding, of course, my mother and my brother) meeting new people is just not my forte. There is a reason why my very best friend is the same girl who befriended me in Ms. Peebles' 2nd grade class in 1992. I have tried a handful of different local churches and have instantly found reasons not to like them. However, I was not sure if I felt uncomfortable there simply because I do not like to meet new people in an unfamiliar space, or if I was truly being led elsewhere.

I tried a different church on Sunday I {loved} the experience! An older gentleman sat down next to me in church and struck up a conversation; come to find out, he knew my husband as Sean was growing up and thought the world of him. Afterwards, he introduced me to his wife who responded like we were just old friends. They introduced me to the pastor afterwards and I felt encouraged to ask about Sunday School opportunities. He instantly introduced me to another gal my age and she took me to a "young married's" class, where I felt like I had been going forever. It was exactly what I had been waiting for: a place to feel at home, where the congregants treated each other like family. Because that's what we are, right?! I left feeling vibrant and refueled. It honestly wouldn't have taken a whole lot to feel that way, though, because I hadn't been anywhere in probably over a month. My life was feeling murky. Now, I am excited to go back for more and that's a wonderful feeling.

The feeling couldn't have come at a more perfect time, either. Sean's schedule is particularly chaotic at the moment with school and work. The softball season is winding down (can I get a hallelujah?!) and I think he has realized that perhaps the commitment was a little too much on his plate. Additionally, the kids' extracurricular activities are in full swing and, while I am not taking them to practice and may not go to all the games, we are still all under the same roof and we do well to work around each other's schedules and be aware of where everyone is going to be. So, I have been making a calendar to outline Sean's weekly school schedule and ever-variable work schedule and added to it J's football practices & games, Lex's volleyball practices, the family softball games, and other items we have planned on the weekends. I worked out a menu with Ashley for the week and so far these small gestures have helped everyone to stay on track and know what to expect (I think the kiddos like having their names on the master schedule, too - it makes them feel involved). I like order and the lack has made the quality of our days more than sub-par. I won't say this week has been of the highest quality, but I will say that having that sense of order has certainly improved what we have been lacking over the course of the last month.

Now we just have to get our finances figured out. Going from 2 full time paychecks to 1 1/2 checks is just not fun. There isn't another way to put it.