Holding Hands

Ever since Angus was a 10-lb puppy, he'd put his paw on top of yours while petting him. 80-lbs later, not much has changed!

 He LOVES our niece, Lex. He's not a huge fan of our nephew, tolerates OP, and merely wants to be in constant contact with Sean or I, or even better, both. But he fawns over Lex. If everyone walks in the front door at the same time, he will magnetically run towards her. His has a bad habit of putting his front paws on her shoulders which, since they're the same height, puts them eye to eye. For the most part he's doing well getting broken of the habit, so he settles for just holding hands.

 

Day {Twenty+One}

Day 21 Plans/goals/dreams you have
Plans:

• Work until 9:00 pm tonight at my after school job
• Come home afterwards and make a coconut cream pie by request for our office Christmas party tomorrow
• Be at St. John's at 7:00 am for a meeting tomorrow
• Work tomorrow night until 10:30 (but then I'm done for a few days!!!)
• Scrub my house this weekend in preparation for our Christmas Eve family dinner with Sean's mother's side of the family. Have I mentioned that the count so far is up to 30 people? Yeah, I am not sure where they will all sit yet... or how we are going to feed that many people with the one ham we had intended on.
• Send out our Christmas cards
• Finalize my list of goodies to make with the kiddos for family and neighbors
• "Rent" a movie for a date night with the hubs. We deserve it and will probably need it

Goals:

• For now, just to survive until vacation after the new year
• Get Sean through radiology school
• Pay off all of our student loans
• Various house projects to really make our house a home
 

Dreams:

• Sean to graduate radiology school and be immediately hired on to a full time position at Cox where he gets to keep his benefits and, by then, almost ten years of raises
• Figure out what I want to do when I grow up
• Buy a new(er) car
• Sell our home
• Buy a nicer home with far fewer improvements required
• Have a baby
• Maybe two
• Be good parents
• Work hard at something we enjoy
• Retire
• Live happily ever after. :)

Day {Eighteen}

Day 18 A letter to your parents

Dear Mom & Dad,


Thank you for giving me a “normal childhood.” I don’t feel scarred or misdirected in life and judging by some of the parenting I have seen, I think that is a huge accomplishment.


Thank you for getting text messaging. People get all defensive about how texting is ruining our ability to communicate. I think we have probably communicated more in the last couple of months than we have since I moved out and I know you have texted Sean more than you have talked to him on the phone. You may not have done it purposefully but texting is our primary form of communication. Without it, that was a real barrier so thank you for getting it. I don’t always feel like I can call you but I know I can always text you.


Thank you for not disowning me when I quit college.


Thank you for showing me how to love others and how family should be treated. That phrase, you better be nice to me – I’m the one that will pick out your nursing home, will hopefully never apply. You have taught me the importance of treating others the way you want to be treated, and not as an incentive to get others to be nice to you but because it’s just the right thing to do. I cannot imagine the difficulties of taking care of your mother-in-law. My mother-in-law and I get along just fine but I cannot imagine the patience and immense love for another that it takes to bite your tongue so frequently in your own home. That said, Dad, I know it’s fun to antagonize the old lady but let her just be grumpy some days. Think about how much fun I’m going to have with you when you are 90. I will just be that blessed to have you around for that long.


Thank you for showing me a marriage that God has enriched. More of our friends have separated than gotten married since we got married a year and a half ago. My biggest fear is a failed marriage. I am so very proud to call you my parents. It also makes Christmas about a thousand and a half times easier only having one family Christmas to attend than multiples. That said, because we do have to attend so many different family Christmases on Sean's side, you never once have gotten jealous of the time we spend with that side of the family. I get jealous all of the time so your patience makes me feel better. Thank you for showing me the attributes that I don’t want incorporate into my marriage, too. Dad, you’ve told me on more than once, “Now, don’t do what I would’ve done. Have patience.” The good far outweighs the bad though.


Thank you for showing me how to work hard and to appreciate a full day of work as opposed to a day spent idle. I am proud of my work ethic; it could be much worse.


Thank you for never letting good be enough.


Thank you for giving me a Christ-centered childhood. I may not always have a strong foothold but I have a solid foundation.


Love,
Your favorite child

Day {Fourteen}

{Day 14 Something you could never get tired of doing}
Ok, in the literal sense, I could get tired of doing anything. I just don't have that long of an attention span. But these two things instantly popped into my mind when I read this question:

1. Gift wrapping. Because I could do it tirelessly, though, does not mean that I am a wrapping paper mastermind. In fact, I could research bow-tying a little more and improve the look of my gifts about 150%. Yesterday I got all of Sean's Christmas shopping done minus one gift I need to order online and one edible stocking stuffer I need to purchase closer to Christmas. All of my hidey-holes are filled with things I have no place else to store at the moment, so I had to come home and wrap all of his presents before he got home last night. It's a rough life. I love a beautifully wrapped gift with a handsome bow on top. It makes the gift that much more special - even if it is just socks. :)
2. Baking. And none of that gluten, sugar, fat free crap. The kind of baking that requires Crisco and (real) butter and lots of brown & granulated sugar. There is just no other way to bake. And if it weren't for all of the cleaning up, I would do it more often. I was trying to remember back to the last pie or cobbler I baked and I can't even remember. There have been lots of times that I have come home determined to make a batch of cookies, and then get distracted thinking of all those dishes I will have to wash afterwards. December 23rd I have dedicated the entire day to baking and making goodies with the niece and nephew. They have a blast and I have a blast being their favorite for a few hours. Afterwards comes the best part: distributing our goodies to our neighbors and family members. That will be most delightful. 

Day {Seven}

{Day 7 What’s in your makeup bag?}


I am one of those people that really needs to wear make-up. I look like an entirely different person without it (and not in a beautiful, natural way. Like an "I thought Halloween was over?” kind of way). Furthermore, I have my father’s complexion so if I so much as scratch an itch on my nose, I will have a big, fat pimple in the exact spot the very next day.


I have looked up to my cousin my entire life (she’s always been taller than me). So when she introduced me to Bare Escentuals a few years ago, I of course had to jump on that bandwagon as well. Now? I can’t live without it.

I was skeptical at first because I have incredibly oily skin (I could put the middle east out of business if you could figure out how to run cars off of it) but this stuff is awesome. It controls the oil slick without totally drying me out. As sad as it is to say, it has been one of the hardest things to budget for with our income while Sean is in school. It seems more than a little ridiculous trying to justify spending $20 on make-up, so when I do need to get it I’ll restrict myself to PB&Js until I don’t feel bad about buying it anymore! This stuff truly is amazing, though, and I will forfeit birthday presents and Christmas gifts just to have more.

We had a great Thanksgiving but no photos were taken to capture the day. We spent the morning being lazy. Sean slept until 11 and I laid around watching movies did laundry all morning. Our first Thanksgiving was at my aunt and uncles. Not even half of our family was there and I hate to say this considering the small group but it was one of the more fun holidays I can remember in quite a while. It was so much fun to sit around the table and chat. A big secret was revealed and I love that I was in on it before the big announcement. I love it even more that Grandma was the one that revealed it! She never knows about anything before anyone else!

We left Nixa and headed back to Billings for the second Thanksgiving of the day. It was very nice as well but I had to leave early to head to work (but not before I got a good 20 minute nap in). Work was incredibly slow but the pay wasn't too shabby... Sean & I are both off of work tonight. I will be disassembling my sewing table and cleaning out the drawers to move it back to my mom & dad's house. There is NO room to sew where it currently sits and the sewing machine really needs to be maintenanced which I cannot currently afford. More importantly, though, we have NO WHERE to put the CHRISTMAS TREE! I don't have much time to put the tree up this year but I'm going to take every opportunity I can to get it up this weekend. There's nothing nicer to come home to than a home decorated for Christmas. :D

Happy decorating!

Day {One}

A girlfriend at work talked about this 30 day blog challenge she is doing on her blog to help her get into a better habit of writing & chronicling. So she gave me the list she is following and I am one day behind but I'm going to follow along.

Until I quit, of course.

But I started this blog 11 months ago and have a poor showing for it, so what better time to pick it up again than right before it is time to set a new New Year's Resolution!

Anywho, today is {Day 1: Your favorite song}.

To be fair, I have many favorite songs and artists. I love Adele. I love Alison Krauss. I love Michael Buble. So I will just have to focus on one solitary song that evokes such emotion it takes me back to the place where I first heard the song.

I had gotten a second hand copy of Third Day's Time cassette tape from a friend around the time I was 16. I loved it the first time I popped it into the tape player of my Ford Tempo and to this day I love Third Day still. There isn't a better song to start an album than I've Always Loved You.

Don't you know I've always loved you

Even before there was time.

Though you turn away

I tell you still

Don't you know I've always loved you

And I always will.

It wasn't just a religious song at that point. It was the song of my mom, of my dad, my family. I was so lucky to grow up with a family that, though cynical at times, knew what it meant to love. I never knew a time that I wasn't loved and I wanted to believe that very same thing about my future. That there was someone out there who would love all of my flaws the way my family already did. And the way Father certainly did because that was how he made me.

My very good friend had her baby yesterday afternoon. She was the most precious, tiny thing I could ever remember holding. I held her for an hour and it seemed like only minutes. Every facial expression and yawn and squeeze of my finger was just magical. I could have held her forever. In that moment the song flashed through my head again.

Sean & I have been married for a year and a half yesterday. We've been asked multiple times when we'll get to experience the same excitement. We had already decided that it would definitely not be for another 21 months at least, while he is in school. On top of that, I would like to have our house to ourselves for a few months before we start filling it up again! Whenever it does finally happen, though, there will be another baby that doesn't know what it feels like to have never been loved, because we already do. And we will be even more blessed than we already are.

A Tale of Two Families

Aside from the few nights I had obligations at school, I could probably count on one hand the number of times my family didn't eat together at the dining room table growing up. Nope, go ahead and include those nights I had obligations at school; somehow, we always found a way to come together over a hot meal (or cold, depending on how late Dad decided to work in the barn). Furthermore, all of my friends' families ate around a central table and discussed the events of their day. I never even considered that there were other families out there that didn't eat together.

Sean and I have been discussing our next project. He really wants to get new carpet and lay down new linoleum. I am totally on board with this idea because the current flooring is g.r.o.s.s. It's beyond disgusting. With all of the improvements we've made in our home, it's hard to be proud and show off what we've done when I shudder at the thought of people walking in and seeing/smelling our carpet. However, I don't want to make a change if there is a chance that we are going to ruin it with another improvement down the line. To me, that is a total waste of money.

Our home has two sides: the original house and then an add-on which includes the master bedroom and bathroom, utility room, and smaller living room. The original house consists of three bedrooms, a bathroom, a larger living room and the kitchen. The floor plan makes sense until you consider the add-on. The add-on feels like an afterthought with only one little doorway connecting the two sides. And no dining room. I would like to open up the doorway that connects the two sides in order to help the flow of the house and allow for a little more space to put a dining room table.

This is the dilemma: my husband doesn't understand the importance of a place for this piece of furniture. He actually told me he thought I was making too big of a deal about it, that he doesn't know anyone that eats around a table.

!!!!

I responded that I found that ironic because I don't know anyone that doesn't eat around a table! Then it dawned on me: we are so caught up in how our families operated that we never took into consideration how the other family did things. I'm sure I made the situation better when I promptly told him that our family would not be eating on tv trays. Psh.

Fast forward a few days to think about what the other had said. My sister-in-law made a wonderful dinner of steak, fried potatoes, green bean casserole and a salad. Sean was off work for the night and was napping/catching up on TV. The kiddos and I practiced their spelling words while dinner was being put together. As soon as the steaks were brought in off the grill, Lex promptly walked back to her bedroom and grabbed the extra chair while J set the table for 5. It is not unusual for our family to eat around the table, we've just never made a big deal about it. We all sat around the table, discussing how stressful it had been at work lately, tests that were coming up at school, and excitement surrounding upcoming volleyball and basketball games. Our table is very small; it's a round, four person table. You can be certain that elbows were knocking. Should you be invited to dinner at my house, please don't feel offended if your personal space feels a little violated (but also, please, ignore the carpet and linoleum)!

It's cozy, though. And you can be certain that I know what my nephew's favorite (and least favorite) subjects are and that he only puts "Ja" at that top of his papers because people call him "J" and that's how he thinks it should be spelled. I know how excited my niece is to be 3-0 at volleyball but how that also makes her feel a lot of pressure. I know how Sean is doing in school and that the vertebral section is his toughest yet. I know all the reasons that my sister in law doesn't enjoy her job but that she is good at it and that brings her enough satisfaction to stay. I have insight into what my family members are going through and that is important to strengthen our bond.

Apparently my husband realized this as well. I made sure to tell him while we were cleaning up that these moments are usually my favorite part of the day. I haven't convinced him to put a giant hole in our wall, yet, but he finally agreed to go shopping for a nice dining room table once he's out of school.

Sub-Par Quality

Fear not, I have not forgotten about my blog. I just haven't had anything to share. Sure, I could have found PLENTY of juicy info to share, but it probably would have ended up as cryptic as a 15 year old girl's facebook. My excuse is simple: life right now is {so chaotic} that I don't know which way is up.

Really, though, I feel like that is my problem: I have forgotten which way is up, because I have obviously not been taking too many concerns in that direction. I have been in search for a church since October 2009. Like probably 99.9999999% of folks (excluding, of course, my mother and my brother) meeting new people is just not my forte. There is a reason why my very best friend is the same girl who befriended me in Ms. Peebles' 2nd grade class in 1992. I have tried a handful of different local churches and have instantly found reasons not to like them. However, I was not sure if I felt uncomfortable there simply because I do not like to meet new people in an unfamiliar space, or if I was truly being led elsewhere.

I tried a different church on Sunday I {loved} the experience! An older gentleman sat down next to me in church and struck up a conversation; come to find out, he knew my husband as Sean was growing up and thought the world of him. Afterwards, he introduced me to his wife who responded like we were just old friends. They introduced me to the pastor afterwards and I felt encouraged to ask about Sunday School opportunities. He instantly introduced me to another gal my age and she took me to a "young married's" class, where I felt like I had been going forever. It was exactly what I had been waiting for: a place to feel at home, where the congregants treated each other like family. Because that's what we are, right?! I left feeling vibrant and refueled. It honestly wouldn't have taken a whole lot to feel that way, though, because I hadn't been anywhere in probably over a month. My life was feeling murky. Now, I am excited to go back for more and that's a wonderful feeling.

The feeling couldn't have come at a more perfect time, either. Sean's schedule is particularly chaotic at the moment with school and work. The softball season is winding down (can I get a hallelujah?!) and I think he has realized that perhaps the commitment was a little too much on his plate. Additionally, the kids' extracurricular activities are in full swing and, while I am not taking them to practice and may not go to all the games, we are still all under the same roof and we do well to work around each other's schedules and be aware of where everyone is going to be. So, I have been making a calendar to outline Sean's weekly school schedule and ever-variable work schedule and added to it J's football practices & games, Lex's volleyball practices, the family softball games, and other items we have planned on the weekends. I worked out a menu with Ashley for the week and so far these small gestures have helped everyone to stay on track and know what to expect (I think the kiddos like having their names on the master schedule, too - it makes them feel involved). I like order and the lack has made the quality of our days more than sub-par. I won't say this week has been of the highest quality, but I will say that having that sense of order has certainly improved what we have been lacking over the course of the last month.

Now we just have to get our finances figured out. Going from 2 full time paychecks to 1 1/2 checks is just not fun. There isn't another way to put it.

Rainy Easter BBQ

This post would make for a more interesting read had I taken pictures yesterday, but I did not because I spent the entire day up and down and back and forth and all over my house making sure everyone was having a good time that I completely forgot to take pictures! I wanted to post, though, so that in the future I can remember my first Easter family gathering in my home. So bear with me. I'm still new to this having a blog thing (again).
Saturday morning I woke Sean up at 6:30 (that's AM, people) to hit up this sale at Sutherlands: 1/2 off trees and shrubs. We got quite a bit for not a whole lot. I also purchased some geraniums in hanging pots to hang on one of the 20 hooks on our back porch (this is not an exaggeration) and they really brought some spring to that area. When we got home at about 7:30 we crashed onto the couch and did not move until about noon. I have been battling some sinus problems so I really didn't feel good, and Sean doesn't usually wake up until about 10 or 11 anyway so it was a lazy Saturday.
When we finally mustered the strength to pull ourselves into an upright position, we scrubbed the house until it shined and then scrubbed a little more. My husband and I have a different opinion of what "tidy" means but beyond that we worked very well together. We treated ourselves to a date at Target and Chick-Fil-A. We redboxed The Tourist on the way home and I have no idea if it was good or not. I wasn't awake for much past the opening credits.
Sunday morning we were up and at 'em to finish getting things ready for a family dinner at 12:30. I iced the cake and colored eggs with the niece and nephew. I dragged Sean out of bed and we got ready for church with Mom and Dad. We brought the niece and nephew along with us and during the opening worship Sean leaned over and said, "I don't think J is going to make it." Dad asked if he wanted to sit next to him and J jumped at the opportunity. They proceeded to play tic-tac-to throughout the sermon and I could barely hear them whispering back and forth about what was going on in the service. Lex does great in church with me. I don't know if she ever gets much out of it, but she continues to want to come so I'll continue to take her.
We made it home right as my father-in-law was pulling in our driveway. We ended up having 20 people altogether at our house for burgers and hot dogs and all that is appropriate at a BBQ. The rain held off just long enough to grill everything and then the skies opened up again to continue to pour for the remainder of the day. After a couple of hours, Sean's mom and dad were both around the same table remembering "the good ol' days," and laughing about Easter's past. This isn't entirely out of the ordinary; my in-laws get along very well. But it is still very refreshing to see.
After everyone left, I had an overwhelming sense of joy from the events of the day. I didn't get to spend very much time with my family, but I have excellent in-laws. I feel like Sean's family is mine and they treat me just the same. I love that feeling and the feeling of everyone just being together. It was an excellent Easter.

My Family Tree

I am secretly a huge fan of the television show "Who Do You Think You Are." I know those celebrities probably didn't do any work to trace their own genealogical line, but it's still neat to hear someone else's stories about how their triple great so-and-so was a civil war hero. This inspired me to do some research into my own genealogical line which got me talking to my grandmother.

The Bryson family documents ~everything~. And people just don't write letters like they used to (the salutation from one funeral home director: I hope to always remain respectfully yours, {insert name here}). I found my parents wedding invitation, several of my cousin's birth announcements, receipts from funeral homes from the early 20th century, and copies of birth certificates form the late 19th century. I remember one of my aunts putting together a family tree when I was younger and it looks like she has continued to document our heritage. I feel like there is very little that I'm going to find that hasn't already been found.

However, my mother doesn't know very much about her family. She only knows the stories that have been told to her by her father which I took and ran with. My grandfather & his brother lost their father when they were very young. Their mother remarried a man and the children took on his name, although not legally. This makes it very difficult to find any information about them. Their mother died when my grandfather was around 13 and his brother was 9. From that point, my mom tells me, they were orphans, going from family member to family member throughout their childhood. But there is so much more to find out about this family! Where they came from, what they did, the people they allowed to board in their home. I don't have a lot of experience and most of the time don't have a clue what I'm doing but it's kind of fun to research.

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?

'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You

With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You

How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain

Oh the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need.

I did a presentation in college on this song to a primarily agnostic class my freshman year. The assignment was to find a song that represented who you were and demonstrated your outlook on life. I knew it would be received with glazed eyes and a skeptical professor but I still come back to its words several years later. (I wonder if the students who did their presentation on Teen Spirit could still say the same.)

I'm really seeking guidance on so many levels about the things we really need and those that are only desires.

Gratitude ~ Nichole Nordeman