Exhausted

I took off the first three days of the working calendar this year thinking I would get some R & R and come back to work rejuvenated with the new year. The time off was AWESOME but I haven't not had to work since last Wednesday and am ready for a day OFF. So is it any surprise that I have zero motivation today?

Meanwhile, Sean went back to school on Tuesday and he already looked like the life had been drained out of him by last night. My post-it note countdown reminds me that he only has 20 more months until graduation (19 after next week!). Thankfully, he is a pretty good employee and rarely calls in so he has several hours of vacation that he'll need to use... for school. He has clinicals one night until 9:30 pm at South and then at North the next morning at 7:30 am. I don't know when he's going to get to sleep. Or when we are ever going to see each other. We would certainly covet prayers that he could maintain his enthusiasm, health and grades.

I feel so blessed that we have this opportunity to further his education for our future. He is competitive and driven and willing to succeed. I have an able body and mind that I can help contribute where needed.  But it is still really, really hard. I am reminded that it could be much more difficult, though. Money is tight but bills are paid, the pantry is full and we are good. Our time is tight but I am fortunate to have a second job that meshes really well with my primary schedule. Sean seems to have a good reputation and a supportive superviser who understands the importance of education so his (sometimes 2 hour) tardiness because of class is easily excused. Our families are quick to let us know that they are willing to offer assistance if we'll take it so it is nice to know that is there as well. But I am tired and I can see he is exhausted.

I feel so thinly stretched that when I don't have to work, I really just want to go home and sleep for a couple of hours until we have to start over again the next day which really does nothing for the social life. Our house is a wreck because the last thing I want to do when I come home at 10:00 at night after working since 8:00 that morning is clean my bathroom. But Sean hardly ever complains. He is bright eyed and bushy tailed when I wake him up for school and the most he'll remark about is that he's running out of clean socks. I, on the other hand, will devote an entire blog entry to shed my frustration :). But we are very blessed and we are closer to the finish line than we were in August when he started.

In other news, I've been able to read my book at lunch some and now I have just pages left in my book so expect my report on Monday! Now that I am so close to the end I am starting to get into it...

Day {Five}

{Day 5 Something you don’t leave the house without}


Short post: my phone.
(Don’t worry though, I’ll make up for it in the end…)


I don’t leave my house to go on a walk without my phone. It’s a must have. I never know when I am going to get lost!

(Literally, I really never know when I am going to be walking down a street and think, hmm – am I really lost in this town of less than 1,000 people? I have no clue where I am!)


Now onto the post about what has actually been going on in our lives, Sean & I have been attending a great many appointments at the dentist office recently. He just hasn’t gone in 10+ years so he has a large amount of (painful) dental work to catch up on. Mine isn’t so bad, just some things I opted not to have done the last time I went to the dentist (about 2 years ago). Hopefully this time next year our teeth will be perfectly healthy and we can resume an every six month schedule. That’s much less expensive than going a couple of times a month to catch up on years of neglect. And right before Christmas…

Christmas this year is going to be sparse and this is making it difficult for me to get into the spirit. Sean has only asked me about a half dozen times to make a list so he’ll know what to get me. My holiday would really be less stressful if he wouldn’t get me anything because I know we can’t really afford it. And that stress really takes away from the focus of the season. But I’m really bummed that we can’t do much for everyone else. I am having a baking blowout the Friday before Christmas with the kids and have been stocking up since Halloween for it. That’s going to be the extent of our Christmas giving to friends and family. And that day with the kiddos may be our Christmas present to them.

Besides getting down for being unable to do much for our family for the holidays, I took a second job to help supplement what we’re missing from Sean’s paycheck. I am trying to make a conscience effort everyday not to complain about it because that stresses him out which he doesn’t really need with everything else he has on his plate. He DAILY shows his gratitude for my hard work when I am at least getting paid for the time I put in. Meanwhile, we are paying for him to put so much extra time at the hospital. I just really, really hate it. I am so very fortunate to have an opportunity and a decent reputation to be able to take a second job when so many people don’t have jobs period. But I am exhausted just about every waking hour and the only thing I can muster to think these days is that I really can’t wait until it’s time for bed. I wake up tired and by the time I get to my “grown-up” job, I have already lost my drive for the day. Particularly on days I have to go to my “after school” job, I spend the entire day trying to figure out where to start, all the while worrying about how badly I just don’t want to go to work after I get off work. Not to mention, the days that I don’t have to work are spent frantically cleaning and picking up things that have just unraveled at home while I was gone working. And there is so much at home that I just don’t even want to go home to anymore. I’d rather close the door to my bedroom and hide away.

Friday I peeled off another month on my countdown. 21 months! We are a great team! We can do it! And in 21 months we will be stronger for it.

Gratitude

Send some rain, would You send some rain?

'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again

And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade

Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?

Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down

Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid

But maybe not, not today

Maybe You'll provide in other ways

And if that's the case . . .

We'll give thanks to You

With gratitude

For lessons learned in how to thirst for You

How to bless the very sun that warms our face

If You never send us rain

Oh the differences that often are between

Everything we want and what we really need.

I did a presentation in college on this song to a primarily agnostic class my freshman year. The assignment was to find a song that represented who you were and demonstrated your outlook on life. I knew it would be received with glazed eyes and a skeptical professor but I still come back to its words several years later. (I wonder if the students who did their presentation on Teen Spirit could still say the same.)

I'm really seeking guidance on so many levels about the things we really need and those that are only desires.

Gratitude ~ Nichole Nordeman

The Best News

I left my office for one tiny minute today and came back to a big pollack that I did not remember being there when I left. I jumped because I was so startled which made my heart start beating pretty hard. Then he handed me a letter.

And boy did my heart start beating after that:

"Dear Sean,

Congratulations! Welcome to the Cox College Associate of Science in Radiography Program (Class of 2013). ..."

This is one proud wife :D

Friday, February 25th @ 3:30 PM

He got a call this afternoon and Sean has an interview for rad school!*!*

Dear Sir or Madam

To whom it may concern:
I am writing on behalf of my husband to tell you all the reasons why he should be admitted to your school.

He is a hard worker and is very good at what he does. I can count on one hand the number of people I know our age who have a work ethic comparable to his. He works the hours no one else wants to work, does the jobs no one else can do and rarely complains doing it. Beyond that, he has a compassionate soul and a generous nature. He daily performs a task that most people cringe at the thought of but he understands their suffering and tries to make the experience more tolerable. He takes time to not just do his job but to make sure the patient feels heard and comfortable before leaving their room. There is a lot to be said for good patient care skills, which he certainly possesses.

He has accomplished more in the last few years than even I ever expected he would realize. He has bought a house, started school and gotten married, all within the last 18 months. Not only has he accomplished all these tasks, but he has put careful consideration into each decision for how they would affect his future. Our home has a lot of potential that we are in the midst of making a reality. He has made better grades than he has ever made before in school. And, let's face it, he didn't do too badly in the marriage department, if I might say so myself.

Finally, he has to be accepted because our future is nearly completely dependant upon this decision. Certainly, if he doesn't make it in this year we will just try again next year. But that is an entire year to wait to realize your future which is a very hard pill to swallow. There just cannot be that many applicants that are more deserving of this opportunity.

P.S. If you accept him into school, his wife will bake you cookies every week for the duration of the school. She'll have to do something to pass all the free time alone she'll have!